Moving On
by israelianbabe15
Summary: Joan/Auggie. mentions Annie/Auggie but Joan/Auggie is my OTP so this story is about them.
1. moving on

Disclaimer: Covert Affairs isn't mine. If it were Auggie would have a lot of sex with Joan and Annie would be on so many ops with Eyal...

Moving on.

Sometimes I like to think back to the moment we met. Her blond hair reflecting the sun, her eyes looking more beautiful than any other pair of eyes I had ever seen. I instantly developed a crush on her and somehow that crush never really went away.

We were sent on a mission together, spying on some mercenaries in Rome, when I had only been working for the agency for about a month. She taught me how to be a good field agent, how to go unnoticed by the people working against us and I protected her if needed.

The mission took two weeks. We were told to collect evidence against one of the mercenaries and in the end we brought down all of them, all six mercenaries, the whole group. They were planning an attack on American soil and we stopped them.

To celebrate our success we were given four days off and celebrate we did. It happens almost constantly that two agents start a romantic relationship on a mission and it wasn't new to the CIA that their agents succumbed to their most basic desires, but it was somewhat new to the two of us. We weren't prepared to end up in bed together, or develop any kind of romantic feelings towards each other. It happened anyway. Our relationship, if you can even call it that, lasted four days. Rome.

On the morning of our flight back home we decided to end our relationship the moment the plane touched down in New York. She had a promotion waiting for her at home and I was supposed to go on a top secret operation in a week. There was no time for a relationship. We both knew that. We both accepted it. We did not complain about it. Or maybe a little – on the flight home, while we were having sex in the bathroom on the plane.

The moment we got out of the plane our relationship was over. We decided to watch the sunset together before taking two separate cabs home. That is how I remember her, standing in the airport, looking out the window, holding my hand. The sunset making here even more beautiful than she already was. I remember her smile and how she came close to crying when we kissed for the last time.

CACACACACACA

Almost 4 years later we saw each other again. Well, we met again. I had been blinded a few year back, but I recognized her almost instantly. Her perfume had stayed the same and her walk was still the same, determined and strong. She had been appointed as head of the DPD only a few months prior and I had just walked into my new office as the head of Tech Ops. She had requested me. I wasn't able to refuse.

I was glad to be close to her again, even if it was just for work. I knew she was married now. Her and Arthur's wedding was the most talked about event throughout the CIA, at least it felt like that. I had gotten used to the jealousy that overcame me every time someone mentioned them, but being in the same room as her again wasn't helping, meeting Arthur wasn't helping.

CACACACACACA

Eventually I got over it. Somehow.

I like Arthur, I really do, but sometimes I just hate him – when I think about all the moments he has with her and how I could have had that, but mostly when he hurts her feelings, when he goes behind her back, when he chooses his job over her.

There are moments when I don't even remember why we broke up, when I wish we had tried to make it work, but those moments are not good for me. 'What if's' hurt. At those times I miss her a little more and hate Arthur a little more and hate myself a little, for letting her go.

CACACACACACA

When Annie started working here she was a welcome distraction. I could finally concentrate on someone who is not Joan. I finally had the chance to maybe move on somehow and Annie was the key.

TBC?


	2. not quite moving on

A/N: So... I almost didn't have any inspiration, mainly because in my head there are not that many ways to get them together and I somehow really want them to get together... but I don't know... maybe I will end this story differently somehow... I don't know yet. Just read it and tell me what you think. :D

Not quite moving on.

Annie Walker.

She was appointed to the DPD a while ago and I don't even remember when I started seeing her as an enemy. I had requested a linguist for this one mission and getting Annie was a good thing. She is good at what she does, there is not doubt in that, but somehow, somedays, I just want her gone. I want her to leave the DPD for whatever other job she could get, as far as possible away from him.

They have grown very close over the last few months and I know there could be more, someday. How I know that they are not a couple yet? He would tell me. She would, too. I'm their boss, it's a rule. But he wouldn't only tell me because it's the rule, he would tell me because he cares. He cares if I am okay, he cares if I am happy, I somehow even cares if I approve.

I don't. Not really. Consciously I do, but emotionally I absolutely don't. She would be good for him, could even make him happy. As happy as Arthur makes me. But I still feel jealousy every time she stands a little closer to him than I do, every time it seems like her likes her more than me.

Sometimes I hate her. When she gets him into trouble, when she makes him worry about her more than necessary.

I have no right to feel this way. I decided against this relationship in the first place. I chose my job over him.

As much as I love Arthur, I just can't stop thinking about Rome. I can't forget Auggie. Shouldn't I already have moved on? Shouldn't I start accepting that it is over? Shouldn't I want him to be happy with Annie?

TBC?


	3. I moved on, but I didn't

A/N: Happy New Year, everyone!

Sorry that I haven't updated in a while. Christmas was kinda stressful and over new years I had to write a 1000 word research paper for my Academic Writing course in college. Finished it yesterday, so I now have time to write more to this fic.

I hope you all had a better Christmas and New Years than I had. Have fun reading!

I moved on, but I didn't.

When Annie and I started seeing each other I thought I could not be happier, at least not with Joan being married to Arthur. Joan and I were perfect. We could have been perfect forever, but we are not. We decided against each other and I regret that decision every day. Regretting things does not change them.

Annie was a welcome distraction. Our relationship kept me busy and I could finally start forgetting Rome from time to time. Looking back, the time with Annie might not exactly have helped me getting over Joan, because there simply was no 'getting over Joan', but it helped me sort out my feelings and realize that, no matter what or who happens, Joan will always be the one I want.

CACACACACACA

Annie and I started dating about two years after she came to the DPD. Everything was still new and exciting and somehow even being around Joan all day couldn't spoil that feeling.

We spent every weekend together, tried a lot of different restaurants so we could find the perfect spot for the two of us.

Arthur found out first, or at least officially. We were on a date when he and his ex-wife entered the restaurant. Annie kept telling me how he looked very stressed and that Gina kept flirting with him. After a while Arthur realized he was being watched and, although he must have known what this situation looked like, he did not instantly come over to our table. He did not instantly explain himself.

Somehow, the longer he talked to Gina the more I had to think of Joan. She was probably still at work, doing her best to find a leak Arthur clearly didn't care about. I kept thinking 'How can he hurt her like this? How can he betray her? HER!' I didn't even consider the possibility that he was there to ask Gina for advice about the leak. He had done things like this before and Joan had accepted that.

When he finally came over to our table, two hours had passed. I was furious and Annie noticed that.

Arthur told us that he and Gina were only discussing the leak and then turned to Annie and said:"Joan does not need to know about this, right? She is stressed enough as it is."

It wasn't a question, merely a reminder that, even though Joan was her direct superior, Arthur could still fire Annie. He also didn't even consider that I could tell Joan. Why would he? He did not know about Rome and Joan and I pretty much kept our distance, knowing full-well that we couldn't guarantee to keep our hands off of each other.

I did not tell Joan. Not because I trusted Arthur, but because I didn't want to hurt her. She deserved so much better.

CACACACACACA

About a week after that night at the restaurant, Annie and I decided it was time to make our relationship official. We needed to tell Joan. Annie took it upon herself to tell her, saying that it was gonna be easier, one woman to another.

It wasn't easier. At least not for me.

Every time Joan was in the same room with me I could feel her hesitating to stand close to me. Of course she was never really standing close to me, but, knowing I was with Annie, she kept more distance between us. Normally she would stand close enough to me so I could smell her perfume, now she was too far away and almost untouchable.

I started missing her even when we were in the same room. There was just too much space between us, emotionally. A void even Annie couldn't fill.

TBC


	4. my mistake

My Mistake.

Knowing that Auggie and Annie had started dating hit me hard. The thought that I actually had to move on now made my heart ache. It may sound horrible, but somehow I had always considered him mine. My Aggie. The man I trusted most and the one who would always be there for me, no matter what. Seeing him with Annie had therefor always been hard. However, I always knew that even if I didn't have him, she wouldn't have him either.

Now she did and I felt like I had nothing anymore. My job had become unnecessarily stressful, because of the mole, Arthur had become extremely distant for whatever reason and might have started cheating on me, and Auggie now dated Annie.

Arthur being distant wasn't exactly the problem with the biggest priority. I actually kind of liked how this gave me a little more time to think. About Auggie, of course.

I hated how their relationship made me hate Annie a little bit. She didn't deserve to be treated like this, not by me. I should have been a lot more objective when it came to her, but I couldn't.

Sometimes I only wanted to send her on assignments to get her away from him, to be alone with him for a little while, to just not have her around all the time. Of course I did my best to not act on those impulses, and I succeeded quite a while, but at some point I couldn't do it anymore. I needed to get her away from him, even if it was only for a little while.

I sent her on an op with the Israeli Mossad operative, who liked her so much, hoping he might keep her busy for a week or two.

CACACACACACA

Sending Annie on that op might have been the worst and the best decision I ever made.

She was supposed to call in after a week, to tell us everything she had learned about the Terrorist she and Eyal were watching, and to make sure she was still alive.

That detail never made it across my lips when Auggie was around. I had made an impulsive decision, sending her on one of the riskiest missions she had ever been on just because I couldn't handle my feelings for Auggie, and I felt regretted it almost instantly.

How could I do this to her? She was my Agent, she trusted me. Auggie trusted me. How could I ever forgive myself if anything actually happened to her?

CACACACACACA

She didn't call in after a week.

She didn't call in after two.

Mossad had no information on Eyal either.

They were gone with no way to find them.

They were gone and I had to tell Auggie.

TBC


	5. Annie's Mission

A/N: okay... this time the update is up a little faster than ever before :D... I decided to make tuesday my fanfiction-day, so the updates might be once a week, maybe... if I'm motivated.

I honestly hope people are still reading this, because I now finally have some idea where to go with this and I'd really like to have some other opinions on it.

Annie's Mission.

Auggie's POV:

When Joan told me about Annie I wasn't myself for a while. I screamed at her, saying it was her fault and that she could have prevented this. I didn't mean it.

Even while I now know that she really made this decision prematurely and why she made it, I still can't hold her responsible for the failure of this mission. No one is responsible for that.

Annie's Mission:

The first day following our mark was pretty easy. Nothing unusual happened, no one got killed.

When Eyal didn't stop flirting with me I told him about Auggie and I. I told him how happy I was and how I couldn't wait to get this mission over with, to get back home.

Three days later nothing was easy anymore. In retrospect this was a pretty stupid story.

Eyal and I were following the Terrorists car. Left, Right, Left, Left, Right. It wasn't that hard.

On the virtually empty streets in this desert we had to keep our distance and, since we had both never been in the area, we somehow got lost.

I told you it was a funny story. Two very skilled CIA/Mossad agents getting lost in a desert. Not knowing which way our mark had taken wasn't even the worst part. Next thing we knew our car broke down. Ironically, there was no cell reception anywhere around us and worst of all: We were miles away from the slightest bit of civilization and that slightest bit was the terrorist training camp we were supposed to observe.

Auggie's POV:

Annie had been missing for five weeks when I finally started talking to Joan again. I was still angry with her, but somehow it was unbelievable to me why she would send one of her newest agents on such a risky op. My curiosity got the best of me and I had to ask.

The answer was the one thing I wasn't expecting. "I wanted to send her away. I couldn't bear seeing you with her. I still love you."

I was still at a point where my anger was very strong and somehow I managed to leave, without even commenting on that confession of hers. I didn't mention it for weeks.

When Annie came back – something none of us were expecting – Joan and I had gotten used to not really talking, only work, nothing private. Ever.

Annie's Mission:

After four months in the desert, walking from settlement to settlement, trading work against food and a place to sleep, we finally got home. We called from the first small city we came across, asking Joan to get us home.

Needless to say, she sent a private jet to get us out of there.

TBC

A/N: No I didn't kill off Annie and I wont in the future, I promise!

If anyone is interested in proof reading my CA stories (well, this one... but there might be more in the future) message me.

Hope you like the story so far. :)


	6. Why

Why?

Joan's POV:

When Annie came back from her mission, she and Auggie went back to their usual self. Flirting in the office, asking to leave early because they couldn't get a later reservation at their favorite restaurant, holding hands on their way out. I couldn't watch it anymore.

Of course I almost always gave them permission to leave early, mainly because I still felt guilty for sending Annie away and hurting Auggie to the utmost degree, but also because if they weren't there I didn't have to watch them being so cute together. I had never been so jealous in my life.

It wouldn't have been as bad, if nothing had changed between Auggie and me. We used to be friends, not best friends of course but somehow good ones nevertheless. We used to trust each other and when we were walking around the office, he would rather rest his hand on my arm than on Annie's. Now everything is different.

I regret sending Annie on that mission. Of course I do. But part of me always wants to send her away. Maybe if it had been a less dangerous mission, equally far away from Auggie, everything would have worked out for the better.

CACACACACACA

Somehow, Auggie managed to ignore the fact that I had told him about my feelings. He managed to never mention it, never even think about it, or so I thought.

I had told him that I still loved him and that his relationship with Annie was driving me crazy. That effect was certainly obvious and somehow I think it was one of the reasons why Annie found out about all of this.

CACACACACACA

One day, about three months after Annie had come back from the mission nobody wanted to talk about ever again, she burst into my office. Her face was red with anger and her eyes looked puffy. She had obviously been crying, which was one of the few things I'd never seen her do. She had always been strong enough to hide her feelings well, especially when it came to looking weak.

She walked into my office, loudly closing the door after herself, and looked at me as if I had just killed someone.

"You,... you,... I don't even know what to say!"

I could only guess that she was referring to the mission I had sent her on, including the reason why I had done that.

"You sent me on that op because you don't like seeing me and Auggie together... Jai told me... he heard you and Auggie talking... didn't hear everything though... Why? Why does our relationship bother you? … Because Arthur might be cheating on you? Is it that? Are you jealous because we are happy and you are not? … Or is it because now I'm Auggie's favorite and it's not you anymore?"

She didn't know how close this was to the truth.

"Jai thinks Auggie had a little crush on you before I came here and that you seemed to like the way he treated you because of it. Is he right? … Because that's not my problem... I shouldn't be punished for something that is clearly just YOUR problem!"

Then I left.

I ran out of my office, out to my car, sat in there for about 40 minutes before I felt somehow normal again.

She had called it a **little** crush, just little. What Auggie and I had in Rome was the best thing that had ever happened to us and we both knew that. But she had no idea, for obvious reasons. He didn't treat me any different because of a stupid crush. I don't even think he was treating me different at all. We were friends and that's all we were when Annie came. And Jai. What does Jai know about anything? He just got here. He doesn't know what happened in Rome. He doesn't know Auggie and me at all. How would he know anything about our feelings.

But what did she mean when she said Arthur might be cheating on me? Does she know something I don't? Do I want to know? Could I even blame him if he was?

CACACACACACA

When I walked back into my office, Annie had left. Instead I found Auggie sitting in my chair. He instantly knew I was there and turned to me.

"What did you tell her?"

"Nothing. I... I walked out on her."

"Okay. … What would you want her to know? The whole story? Parts of it? Nothing?"

"She's your girlfriend, it's your decision. What do YOU want her to know?"

I must have sounded a little too jealous saying the word 'girlfriend' because he instantly picked up on that.

"You have no right to be jealous here, Joan. You are the one who's married. You were already married when I started working here. I had to get over you, over us, because I thought you had moved on, too."

"I know." _but I hadn't. _

"You requested me. You wanted me to work here with you, both you and Arthur. You put me into this position."

"I know." _and I would do it again. Make you work here. Have you close to me._

"And you brought Annie here. You told me to show her around, make friends with her, make her feel welcome."

"I know." _and I hate myself for that_.

"Why?... Why do you have a problem NOW?"

I didn't know how to answer him.

_Because I never really moved on. I never got over you. I never loved Arthur more than you. I only wanted you around. I wanted you to be happy without me, I really did. But I hate watching it. I hate knowing about it, because it's in my mind now and all I want is make it stop. I want you to be happy. I do. I want you to be close. I want you._

"I don't know. … I... I still love you. I don't know how I am supposed to act at the moment and I don't think I ever really will, but I'm trying. I'm trying to be normal, not send Annie away on dangerous missions, not hate her for being with you. I know you're happy together and I consciously don't want to interfere with that. I'm sorry."

I wanted to go back to my car, calm down, maybe cry a little.

"Don't be."

There was a silence that I thought would never stop. He was just sitting there, thinking, while I was still standing at the door.

"I need to tell you something.", he said then, breaking the silence,"A while ago, Annie and I were on a date and ran into Arthur."

He stood up when he said that, walking towards me.

"He was on some kind of a... I don't want to say date... with Gina. When he saw us he told us not to tell you about it, because you were stressed enough already. I wasn't sure if I should tell you... decided not to... didn't want to hurt you. I thought maybe it was nothing."

I didn't know how to react to that and for some reason, although I wasn't even sure if I still had any feelings for Arthur, I felt hurt. He had betrayed me.

Auggie must have known how hurt I felt, because in the next moment his arms were around me in a comforting hug. I was glad he had been the one to tell me and I was happy that he still felt like comforting me, despite all the things I did.

TBC

A/N: Okay... tried to write a long one this time... hope it turned out well.

Review, please :)


	7. Thunderstorm

A/N: I am so sorry for not updating in such a long time. I guess no one is really reading this anymore, but I guess I just wanted to kinda write more to this. I've been rewatching and screencapping some episodes of season one, and after thinking: Oh my god, how can Kari even be real? So perfect!... I thought: Aw... Auggie and Joan fit so well together!... Which is basically what I always thought, but I guess I need to be reminded of that every once in a while.

Chapter 7.

Auggie's POV:

A few weeks after I told Joan about Arthur, their relationship finally ended.

Of course the whole department felt bad for them, mainly because most of us had gotten used to them being a couple. In the end it had turned into more fighting than anything, so even Annie, who had been angry at Joan for a few more days, started feeling bad for her.  
>People started avoiding both of them. What do you talk about with your boss, who is just going into a divorce? What do you tell your boss' boss, who is a cheating idiot?<p>

Making Joan feel better slowly became Annie and my responsibility. The two girls had made up over drinks, after I told Annie how Jai must have heard wrong, and that Joan hadn't intended to send her on that overly risky mission.

From that day on, Annie kept going out with Joan, trying to keep her from thinking about Arthur too much and maybe trying to meet a new man – I didn't really agree with that.

I tried to keep my distance, knowing how she still felt about me and knowing how I still felt about her. Since I couldn't tell Annie about that, she did not understand why I would not want to help my best friend feel better, so somehow that plan didn't work out either.

Against my will, Annie stuck me with Joan for a night.

There was a thunderstorm going on all over town and Annie was staying with her sister, so she thought since Joan and I were both alone, she could just drop me off at our boss' place to keep her company. If Annie had known what kind of consequences this night would have, she would never have sent me over there.

CACACACACA

The first hour we just sat there in silence, listening to the thunder rolling through the sky. She was still living in the apartment she had shared with her husband, while he had taken a room at some hotel. At some point she told me that everything still reminded her too much of him, that she still couldn't sleep in their bedroom. I had to agree with her. Even after a few weeks of living there alone, the whole apartment still smelled a bit like Arthur.

As the next bolt of lightning struck somewhere, followed by an incredibly loud thunder, Joan jumped slightly. I scooted a little closer to her on the couch, putting my warm hand over her cold one.

'It's just thunder. It'll be over soon.'

It took me a moment to realize why she suddenly tensed up. Back in Rome there had been a night when all hell broke loose. A thunderstorm that would even startle the toughest men and women. We had been in bed back then and the thunder had kept her from falling asleep, startling her every time. I had taken her into my arms, holding her close, telling her the exact same thing I had told her now.

I drew back my hand, turning away from her just a little bit.

'Sorry. Guess tonight was a really crappy idea.'

'Annie means well. What did you tell her, anyway?'

'Nothing. Told her that Jai heard wrong. Seemed less painful for her. Guess _She sent you away, cause we once had something in Rome. _would just have been weird.'

'Right.'

Silence followed that.

The next thunder startled her again, and my hand went back over hers. It seemed like a reflex, trying to calm her down, not wanting her to feel any bad feeling in the world.

She tensed up again, but I kept my hand on hers this time.

It was quiet for a moment. We were both lost in our own thoughts, and somehow she relaxed a little.

'I'm sorry, you know. I shouldn't have sent her on that mission. Was a childish reaction.'

'Yeah, well, she's back now. Nothing to worry about anymore. We all learned from it.'

Another moment of silence as I thought about what to say next. I knew she wasn't going to say something any time soon, but I felt like one thing needed to be said.

'You told me you still loved me. Why?'

The thunder startled her again, though my question might have had something to do with that, too.

'Because it's true. I guess I just didn't want it to be true until now. Well, I don't really want it to be true now either, but I think I'll just have to try harder. I'll get over it eventually. Don't worry.'

I chuckled slightly. I had tried the same thing. Denying my love for her, then trying to get over her as soon as possible, failing horribly in the process.

'If it helps: I'm still not over you either.'

I felt her tense up again, just for a moment, and as I was about to pull away my hand she put her other one over it, holding me there.

There was silence again and if there had been someone else with us in that room, they would have been able to hear our minds racing.

_Should I not have said that? Had it been idiotic to believe that trying to get through this together would be a good idea? _

As I heard the next thunder, she was not startled. Instead, her hands left mine and before I could protest her hands were on both sides of my face, keeping me there as she leaned in to kiss me.

TBC.

A/N: Okay... so this chapter was lying around my computer for a while – mainly because I wasn't sure if I could just end a chapter like this – but now I've finally come around to re-reading it, and I thought I'd post it.

Hope you like it :D


	8. Chapter 8

Joan's POV:

I don't know what came over me that night. He and I had just decided to get over each other together, to move on. In what universe was it okay for me to just kiss him at that point? Why didn't I stop myself?

I missed him so much. The feeling of his hands on my skin, his lips on mine, his hair between my fingers.

He did not push me away – as part of me had expected – he leaned into the kiss, and he seemed to enjoy it just as much as I did. His hands had fallen to my hips, and moments later we were lying on the couch – him on top of me – feeling as if we were back in Rome.

The thunder was still rolling outside and it helped us ignore reality a little longer. Reality included Annie, work, the knowledge that we shouldn't be doing this – but the thunderstorm trapped us in our own little world. Every problem was forgotten, every doubt washed away.

Auggie's POV:

I don't remember exactly how we ended up in the bedroom – our clothes scattered all over the apartment. I only know that when I woke up, she was there. I was holding her in my arms, as if we had never left Rome.

Everything just seemed so perfect at that very moment. The storm was over, my phone was far enough out of reach that I wouldn't hear it, and the woman in my arms was the one I loved most.

I almost felt bad for thinking this. It just wasn't fair to Annie, who didn't know any of it. I hadn't told her about Rome, or the realization that I hadn't moved on yet – she just wasn't prepared for any of this. But then again, neither were Joan and I.

I woke up a little earlier than her, tightening my arms around her, relishing the feeling of being close to her again. When she turned in my arms but didn't try to cuddle closer, I realized she must have woken up, too.

'Auggie...', she was staring at me – I could almost feel it.

'Hey...', was all I managed to say. She was still in my arms and hadn't tried to get away.

In the other room, I heard the quiet buzzing of my phone on the living room table. I had honestly hoped it would be too far away for me to hear.

She must have heard it, too, I thought as she tensed up momentarily.

'Your phone.', she said, 'Annie.'

'Probably. She said she'd check in on us as soon as the storm was over. Guess that means now.'

Joan tried to roll out of my arms, which she should have known wasn't going to happen.

'Auggie...'

'I know... I just really don't want this moment to end yet.', and with that I kissed her – starting another hour or two of touching, kissing and screaming.

Annie's POV:

Auggie wasn't answering his phone. I had already called four or five times, and Joan wasn't picking up either.

Hoping they were okay, I decided to drive over there to make sure they hadn't become casualties of the storm.

TBC

A/N: Okay... I wrote this some time ago, but didn't get around to uploading it... sorry... had to write an essay for college... 10 pages of stupidity, I guess... anyway... I promised myself I'd try and finish some of my stories... maybe write a few new ones...

Hope you liked this chapter. Thanks for all the reviews so far :D


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